your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
