It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
