I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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