he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
