Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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