just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
