Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
