About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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