Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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