brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
More tranny stories later!
The maid of honor just puked.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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