I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
