you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
