So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
