Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize