so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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