Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
one might say we're banned from that church
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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