I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
