Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
