So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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