And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
