I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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