I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
