I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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