He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
