so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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