The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
