I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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