he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
