after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
