Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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