I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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