Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
