hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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