just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
