rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
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I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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