when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
