Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
