my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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