The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize