I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
