"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
