My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
