Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
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Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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