Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize