My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
