I'm going to jail i love you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
