I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize