shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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