They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
