Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
