I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
