More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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