i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
