I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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