you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
3 2 1 whiskey
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
