Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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