Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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