Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
