Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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