It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
