Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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