I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
