i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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