Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
