her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
