saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
