What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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