someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
