Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
