I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
